I am not dead yet, just dealing with another sudden move, depression and realization about some...darker facts about my immediate family, particularly my grandmother.
And I know I have seemed like a ghost here and there, and I know I haven't said much about the promises I failed to have kept, and I sincerely apologize for all the things I forgot to do, just...I almost fear that I have lost my muse for art due to the ever-amounting stress, but I have been doing some thinking throughout this time, as well as keeping up with some recent events in the world.
You know that last year, I was set upon by a particular set of people who had a certain ideology that has been bogged down by various, greedy, murderous, outright savage people who aren't in for what they say but for the sake of making others suffer if they do not agree with them...and my life was almost lost to them if it weren't for everyone on dA and beyond.
But I've been so afraid to speak out due to the possibility of being scorned and hated on by my peers to the point of being driven into being silenced.
Then, I discovered things about my heritage, my family...and myself, that made me as strong as every one of you who gave me strength in return.
You see, aside from the Ancient Gaelic, Celtic and Gothic blood in my family, I also have White Russian blood in my veins as well. The very same White Russian blood that was driven and almost exterminated from the very land it once called home after the invention of what I know and regard as the most destructive force of human creation that had ever been unleashed.
More explosive than an atomic warhead.
More widespread than a man-made disease.
And more hate-plaguing than any religion past and present that brought upon countless deaths and destruction across the globe.
I've realized that in this world, such a vile ideology has disguised itself as a supposed force and ideology of good...and weaponized that ideology into something that I find rivals that of religious extremism and terrorism itself.
And I fear that, ever since moving down here, my grandmother has simply become the most vile, conniving, outright sexist member of the family by far, as she did nothing but backstab, insult everyone, cancel payments that have driven up debt unto everyone of us, and while she seemingly pampered the female members of the family while outright making the few males of our family such as I into the lowest sort of dirt underneath her feet, not even the female family members, including our German relatives want anything to do with her anymore!
But because of her outright contempt and hatred towards my mother and I, I...changed many aspects about myself in just a few months, even if she has driven me to depression multiple times.
Sure, I'm straight, I'm white, I'm a guy, but you know what? I'm...proud. Proud and content with who I am, as everyone else should be with themselves.
Relax, it's not the bad kind of white supremacist/black panther sort of racially hate-filled arrogance, but it's the absolute opposite.
I do not care if you are young or old, black or white, any gender out in existence or even from any sort of culture near or far...why should I see you as any different than I am for when we are all human, heart, mind, body and soul? All I want to know everyone for is the quality of happiness, kindness and all-around goodness each and everyone out there is capable of.
Sure, in the past I have been known to hold grudges and hate people, but I've let go of those feelings altogether.
To be honest, I don't hate anyone in the slightest anymore! But, I just hate things that people say/do sometimes, but that is about it.
But if you have any disagreements to anything I am saying, that's perfectly okay, and I do not wish for you to change your opinion, even if you hear my opinions long afterwards in a civil conversation. But if you want to just hate me for who I am and what I say or do, I'm not going to stop you, and all I just wish for every one of you is to have a peaceful and wonderful day.
And to make this fact clear, from this day forth: I am officially clearing out my dA blocklist for good.
Because I've grown too old and have seen many a horror in this world to keep others silenced any longer, no matter how bitter or hateful they may be to anyone, including myself.
But all I need to say to everyone out there who I have wronged in the past and are reading this written article right now, which I shall also post up as a deviation is one, small thing.
...I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me and, just maybe, work towards becoming friends?
Life is too short to hate...and I want everyone out there to be free, be happy and be joyous of who you are, no matter what anyone else would say!
And not matter what ideology you may have as well, even if you are already a friend of mine or not, if we were to ever meet on the battlefield, I'd sooner turn a weapon onto myself or let you all end my life first before I ever had any thoughts on hurting either of you.
After what I have said...I feel such a heavy weight lifted from my shoulders, as if I were the titan, Atlas, who carried the Earth upon his shoulders long, long ago.
I want to work on more art, even before this move occurs, and I want to build more bridges to every one of you again, art or not.
I don't even care if you haven't left any feedback on my written works, some of my sketches, or even gave anything I created in any medium a comment, a favorite or an addition to your collections, I just want everyone to know that you're all amazing people to even give a humble sketchbook artist like myself even a passing glance and...thank you.
I hope that you, anyone who would read this, comments on this, favorites this or not, have a wonderful day and an even more wonderful life.
Oh, and as soon as this written article is published, along with its journal copy, my blocklist shall be completely wiped clean, and never used again!
Stay awesome, everyone~